Locked in the bathroom
“I locked myself in the bathroom!”, said the wife. “I was pushing and pulling and pushing and pulling and couldn’t get out. It went on for a while.” Later on the evening I went to the bathroom and this is what the bathroom door looked like from the inside:
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She’ll call me when done
Since there was no parking around, I dropped off Allison at Lelenitas in San Francisco to pick up a Tres Leches dessert that we’d bring to Christmas eve dinner with Temis and Carolina. Then I drove around the corner and found a place to park to wait for Allison. I …
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The Ballad of Billy The Kid
The Ballad of Billy The Kid, by Billy Joel, is playing. Wife: Did you know this song is about Billy The Kid? Me: I didn’t know that. Wife: Yes! He was from Long Island! Me: Really? I had no idea! Wife: Yes! That’s why we love him so much! Me: …
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Kitchen discovery
The wife is cooking. Then the smoke alarms go off. Wife opens up all doors and windows. Smoke alarm keeps going and going. And going. Wife: “Usually these smoke alarms turn off quicker. They’ve been going a long time now.” Smoke alarm keeps going and going. We worry about the …
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Not when there are cars around
We were in Philadelphia at the Enterprise Car Rental picking up a rental car to drive out of town. The rental car was under Allison’s name because she was originally going to pick up the car on her own, but we were able to go together. Here’s how the conversation …
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Walking in peace
I should be able to finally walk in peace, in socks and sandals, without wife criticism, now that we saw Argentina / PSG soccer star Angel Di Maria doing the same last night (when we stalked the Argentina National Team at their hotel).
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Immigration free-for-all
We arrived at the Dominican Republic, went through immigration, then customs, and met our driver right outside the airport. He said it was a good time to go to the bathroom as we had an hour drive ahead of us. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, …
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I kid you not
I kid you not. This all happened today: I came home from a business lunch and the dog was nowhere to be found. I had left her and Allison both at home and neither was home. I knew Allison was at work and Rosie was supposed to be home. I …
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Soft and crunchy grounds
Allison made a big bowl of popcorn. She added the condiments, salivating. Then she grabbed the bowl to take it to the table, bumped the counter, and ALL the popcorn went to the floor. She was so upset she didn’t make another bowl of popcorn. I was upset she didn’t …
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Excuse me, professor
A professor was sitting down in the student union, eating, when an undergrad called her attention and said: “Excuse me. You have pepperoni on your hair.” That professor was my wife.
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