Solo honeymoon
A man was arrested at the Miami International Airport for joking that he had explosives in his bag. His bail was set at $50,000. That’s exactly what my wife did 15 years ago when we were going through airport security to go on our honeymoon. The TSA folks did not …
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Clothesline voodoo
I walked out to our backyard patio today and noticed two odd things:1) the retractable clothesline was up, but it didn’t have any clothes in it, and2) there was a weird object hanging from the clothes line. I thought the weird object must be a leaf, but it didn’t look …
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Lost like a wife with no GPS
Coming back from work, Allison was less than 5 minutes away from our home when she decided to avoid a little traffic by making a right turn a block earlier than usual and finding a way around the busy intersection. She got soooo lost, and had such GPS problems, that …
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Scary freckle
I have lots of freckles, so when I have a physical or go see a dermatologist, they stare at my skin in amazement, take a step back as if I were radioactive, and educate me on what cancerous skin marks look like, and tell me to regularly monitor my spots. …
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Does your spouse know your name? Mine doesn’t.
Today Allison was going to buy tickets for us to go to NY for the holidays, but she instead put the tickets on hold. The reason she didn’t purchase the tickets is that she wasn’t sure what my name is! True story. (the reason Allison doesn’t know my name is …
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Chewable vitamins
Allison asked me to buy chewable multi-vitamins at the store. I did, but when I got home I was notified I got her vitamins for age 50+. An age mistake in the wrong direction…
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“I have Rosie”
I drove 5 1/2 hours today from Dallas to Houston. On the way, I was supposed to leave our dog Rosie at PetSmart to stay at the “pet hotel”. When I got to Houston, I texted Allison saying I was in Houston and that I had forgotten to leave Rosie …
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Where’s the packing tape?
Husband: Love, where’s the packing tape? Wife: (looking with a “you-have-to-ask-that-obvious-question?” face) Where do you think would be the obvious place for it? Husband: (after reflection) Right here, in this box where we have all the packing supplies. Wife: No, that’s where we kept it when we were packing. Now …
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Kitchen towel
First, this: I had come home with the towel around my waste from swimming so that the bathing suit wouldn’t get the car too wet, and then I put the towel in the most logical place when I walked into the house. Later: me: Oh, by the way, when I …
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Obviously…
“I’m leaving for work. Can you please turn off the dryer in 20 minutes?”, said the wife. So I set my alarm for 20 minutes and when it went off, I turned off the dryer. Yes! I nailed it. Or so I thought. When Allison got home she got mad …
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